i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love you. Go after that dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
