How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
