so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
