And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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