Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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