do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
