we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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