can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
