3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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