I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize