I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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