i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize