New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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