we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My cat gives me a boner
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
