i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize