i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
