Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i dont even know how to be here
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
