I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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