Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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