As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They are going to name an STD after you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
