nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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