hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
