I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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