wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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