only you would photoshop your dick
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
