Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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