i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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