FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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