Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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