thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
