i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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