Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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