Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
