Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
