im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
two words: eviction party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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