i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
