Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
