I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
