Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
