It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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