I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
