Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
