In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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