cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
