Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They took my balls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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