Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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