The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
