Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize