Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
