I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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