How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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