just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
