my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
