Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
