Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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