the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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