i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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