i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
