I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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