but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
